Departures

You never really know how it all turns out, clenching your mouth on the sharp edge of every words. Feeling the slices in your tongue, the gaps in your breath and the coldness of the blood you drew. Accountable to the thoughts that haven't yet been realized. Noticing just that I'm at a loss most days; wake up, get dressed, go out. But my mind is still stuck. Trying to stay afloat among the swell. Thinking over and over.

"Now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good again"

But I don't want that. I want the fights, I want the struggles, I want all the imperfections. I want the grit. I want the bad to tell me that there is good. I want the hope and uncertainty of every new day. I want to feel real happiness knowing I did my best.

I want you.

I speak to you in my head. Alone and afraid. I can't bear for you to see me like this, but right now it is all I am.

How can we have hope for the future when there is no promise of today. Save me from life without love... Knowing that someone could level you with their eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything. Because you were too selfish to let go of the world you dwell on.

Save me from myself and may my path lead me to you. Hope is all I have.